Friday, April 20, 2007

Feeling Naked with Clothes On

Do you play musical instrument? Have you ever performed when other people are around? If you do, I'm wondering if you ever have the feelings that I had yesterday.

I was at my friend's home last night for a little gathering. After the gathering, I asked her about the piano that I noticed when I entered her house. It was a Tokai upright piano with some dust on it, seemed that it wasn't play by people for a while. Encouraged by my friends, I played my two favorite songs (and the only two songs that I can still memorize) "Close to You" and "La La La Love Song", both of them from the Japanese drama Long Vacation.

As I've not played piano for a while, I didn't play that well and hit some wrong keys. One thing I noted about myself was that I was feeling afraid when I played the songs.

On my way home, I thought about why I was feeling afraid. No, I didn't feel afraid because my friends might tease my playing. I was afraid because I felt that I was naked with my clothes on.

After working in the commercial world for a while, I feel that many friends that I've know for a long time have changed. Actually, I do feel that I've changed in the same direction also, although I don't really know how my friends feel about me.

We all become more insecure to tell others our true feelings and personal affairs.

One old Chinese saying says "You shouldn't hurt other people but you also shouldn't assume that people won't hurt you". Sometimes you just wouldn't know how people will react to your feelings and how they may use the information they know about you. Yeah, it's pretty true. A close friend that I've known for years wouldn't tell me what his career was until he's been in the industry for like two or three years. Another friend would never let people know about what he likes or dislikes. When I invite my friends out for dinner, most people will say that "I'm busy" if they won't attend but seldom tell what they're busy at. And I'm not expected to ask "What're you busy at?" because if they don't tell in the first place, that means they wouldn't want to let people know about it.

Most of us are building an invisible shell to protect ourselves.

I realize that I cannot build such a shell around me when I'm playing piano, when I'm playing a song with all my feelings. I feel naked because every bit of my feelings is conveyed without any distortion. It's a moment when I've no way to lie, to pretend, or to build a shell around myself.

Music touches people's hearts not only because it is a medium without language barrier, but also because it tells us genuine stories. That's why I love music so much (^__^ )

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